The VDay Tribute
by Diva289
Summary: A major crossover with Harry Potter, Remus Lupin, both authors, a man-eating cat, Virgil Tracy, and the evil Avid. I smell trouble.Note: this fic is only for the mentally unstable. Authors won't be responsible for any confusion and/or medical help needed.


This is our Valentine's Day tribute, but it is two days late. Why? Because Fanfiction.net SUCKS! Well, actually, it put on that read-only rule for two days to set up their other domain, therefore, we could not actually post this darn thing on Valentine's Day. So sue us. Actually, don't sue us. It's not our fault. It's theirs! Mwhaha! Isn't that a comforting laugh? Actually, Diva was just saying that as an afterthought but…okay. She wants to know if I (Angel) am going to type everything she says again, just like I did last time. And you know what, I am! Mwhaha! Here we go again…

She's crossing her arms at me.

Oooh, now she looks pissed.

She found that really, really, really funny…for some reason I'm not quite sure I want to know why. Right, Diva, you just have your own little mental problem moments and we'll see how that goes. She agrees with me. Well, of COURSE she agrees with me. I am the almighty Angelina…everyone agrees with me. She finds that funny too. Darn you, Diva. Now she's sticking her tongue out at me. And, as she says, I am seeing this all out of the corner of my eye as I type. 

Anyway, onto our story. We're not sure how this one is going to turn out, so sit back, hold tight, and keep your head and hands inside the bus.

(Diva wants to know why you'd stick your head out of a bus. That's like saying don't stick your foot outside of the window, she says. Well, whatever, miss Diva, I am the one controlling the keyboard, so…so…so…ooh, dots. Yeah, anyway, onto the fic. She's laughing hysterically now. Man, I must be doing something right. You go, Diva, and take your laughter with you! She's still going, ladies and gentleman. We're all going to die! RIGHT! ANYWAY….) 

All stuff written into the story by Diva, that are similar to mine as I am typing most of the time, are in **bold**. Just so you can keep track of us. Wait, did that make any sense to you? It did to me. Anyway, Diva = **bold**, Angel = not. Get it? Got it? Good, you get a cookie!

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Once upon a time… it was Valentine's Day! Well, other than the obvious, computer paper envelopes. Oh, wait, that shouldn't be in our story. Diva was just talking and her train of thought changed. She's making cutting motions with her hand now. Cut cut cut. Stop Stop stop. I'M TAKING OVER NOW! No, Diva, you're not! Mwhaha! Angelina is back in control. 

You know, these fics get more and more confusing by the minute.

We're back into the author's note! We have to stop! STOP! 

Okay. Fic Take 2!

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Once upon a time, as we have previously established, it was Valentine's Day. There were two girls, and just for the heck of it, we're going to call them Diva and Angel. No kidding, huh? So Diva was running through the halls of Hogwarts, chasing her beloved Remus around the school. Oww. She just hurt Angelina because she barreled into her and knocked her all the way to Tracy Island.

(Diva is laughing hysterically once again. Shh, Diva, you're going to wake up the people sleeping! Like they could sleep with US around…She wants to know what sleep is. Apparently, it is not a word in her dictionary. Mind you, there are a lot of words not in her dictionary. Like SANE.)

I think this needs to go into crossovers. THUNDERBIRDS HERE WE COME!

Well, back to the story. (Diva wants you all to know this should be an original masterpiece because we sure have corrupted the characters enough). Diva was, as I already said, chasing Remus like a lovesick puppy. But, she so happily points out, she is not the puppy. He is. Because he's a werewolf. Right? Right! So there she was, running after Remus, while Angel was sitting on the beach of Tracy Island, wondering why there was sand beneath her.

"Remus! Remus! Come back!" Can you guess who THAT was?

(Diva has the kitchen sink in her purse. Really. She went to get it, leaving me unsupervised. You know that's a bad idea.)

Angel stood up and looked around, screaming in terror as a teeny little marionette came strolling down the beach towards her. "Ahhh! Get away from me you fricking puppet!"

"I AM NOT A ^%*ING PUPPET!"

Oh Good Lord. Here we go again. (Need a reference? Go check out Harry Potter and the Hunt for M and M's and more recently, Please Disarm Here.)

Angel decided this puppet was rather cute. Okay, I'm sorry, it's a marionette. My bad. Anyway, she decided he was cute so she wanted to be a puppet too. She ate a weird new potion called Make-Me-A-Puppet-Immediately and POOF! She became a puppet. Cough. I mean, a marionette. So off she goes with this handsome little marionette who we'll call Virgil. (*wink*). 

Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts, Diva had barreled into Harry Potter and sent him to Calgary to live in the cold, cold, cold, climate that we have here. Mwhaha.

And you all know we live in igloos, right?

Harry landed not-so-gracefully on his behind in five and a half feet of snow. Or, if you want to annoy Diva, it was five point five feet of snow. She really hates that. Moving on, there he was, sitting on his hiney in the middle of Angel's backyard, as that is where the author's happen to be right now (Not in the backyard, stupid. Do you think I have a computer in my backyard? It would get too cold out there. It's SNOWING, for heaven's sakes!).

Harry stood up and looked around before being met immediately by a very mean, very ferocious, very man-hungry looking kitten named Pearl. Oh yeah, she'll eat you whole, Harry. Better watch out.

Diva finally caught up to Remus, tackled him onto the hard cobblestones in the middle of the hallway (she says, 'Ow. That would hurt.' As I type this). She decided she wanted to completely wind him so he could not a) run away b) kill her with his bad breath or c) decide to bite her neck. (Oooh, she's mad 'cause I said Remus had bad breath.) (**Diva:** Grrrr… Anglel this means war…)

**SO… Meanwhile on…Tracy Island, Virgil and Angel were happily strolling along the beach… their pleasant walk was interrupted by RAINING LLAMAS! Among the chaos, the two of them became conveniently separated, and… lets just say that by coincidence, a… piano landed right on top of Virgil… However the person dropping this piano had extremely bad aim and the piano missed Virgil by a matter of inches… Unfortunately, even though Virgil was not killed by this incident, it was enough of a scare to knock him out for several hours.**

(**Diva:** grrrrr… :P)

He's International Rescue. He does not SCARE easy, you…you…you…darn. I can't think of anything insulting enough. Well, actually, I can, but this is a G-rated fic… ;)

**Well, since it WAS a life threatening experience, it was enough to scare him so he would pass out… I'd be careful there Angel or a tidal wave will come and take him away from you :D**

Random smiley faces are fun. Just so you know, the part about the piano was not written by me. I am not evil to poor innocent little puppets. 

"I'M NOT A *&^%ING PUPPET!"

Hey, hold on a minute. I thought he was out cold? Virgil! You're back! YAY! 

**BUT then someone… that we will conveniently call Avid, came along and kidnapped Virgil, yet again separating him from Angel.**

**(Diva: Mwa ha ha ha ha… Angel doesn't get it…)**

I GOT IT! I GOT IT! AND IT ONLY TOOK ABOUT FIFTY SECONDS!

Anyway, back to our story that is not a story because dangit, it hasn't turned into a story yet. But you know, if a tidal wave decided to wipe Virgil off Tracy Island and away from ME, then Gordon could go rescue him. YAY GORDON! =D 

**BUT!!! Did I forget to mention SOMETHING accidentally put all the thunderbird ships down for maintenance?**

Then he'll take diving gear. Darn you, Diva, I want my keyboard back. 

**TOO BAD!!!! THIS IS MY REVENGE!!!**

Revenge? What did I ever do to you? Oh, yeah, I remember. I made fun of Remus…Hahaha…

**That would be exactly it… so anyway, here's a quick recap of our story that has yet to turn into an actual story. Virgil has just been knocked out by a near death experience, and was kidnapped by the mysterious Avid… hehehe… Angel… is… lost. Oh well… We'll… find her in a minute I suppose. Harry is… in the middle of Angel's backyard, in five and a half feet of snow, about to be eaten by pearl the killer cat. Oh yeah, and Diva and Remus… as Angel put it, lets not go there. J**

Remus is beneath Diva. That's where we don't want to go. Because he has killed her with his bad breath. Diva doesn't like that. She's waving Pearl the killer cat at me. Now she is not hunting Harry, she is literally sitting on my head. I bet Hedwig is tastier than me. 

Oooh, here comes my other killer cat. They are frickin' killing cats with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads. Austin Powers movies, anyone?

Okay, so Remus and Laura are on the floor in the middle of the Hogwarts hallway. Remus is fighting very hard to get Diva off him. She resents that. Anyway, he finally succeeds and Diva hits Angel in the shoulder with her head. Owww. She wants to write herself out of the fic but Angel doesn't want her to.

**Well Angel, that's just too bad!!!! So anyway…**

**"What was that for?" Diva protested as Remus pushed her off him and stood up.**

**"Well, we can't very well stay here, can we?" he replied pulling her up. (Diva: HA!!!) So off the two of them went, happy Valentine's Day after and all that jazz, not to be seen for the rest of the fic. (Diva: Ok… I THINK I'm safe now…)(Diva:… that's not likely is it… )**

Angel has taken over. Finally we got some dialogue into this fic, other than Virgil being in denial yet again. Oh, can I mention one more thing?

The evil villain who dropped the piano on him is called Avid. But she has an accomplice named Mari. Yes, Mari is an evil villain now. Just because she decided she'd rather do that than turn her precious Johnnycakes blue. (She just wanted a happy little camero, I mean, cameo, so we gave it to her.)

Right, moving on…

Angel is very mad because Virgil was kidnapped. Very mad. She is going to find Avid and steal her Remus clone. Avid is evil. Evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil…. Crap, I'm turning into Bookie and Diva's last fic. This is bad. Very bad. Bookie and Diva together are evil. Very evil. Evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil….

What happened to our fic? It has gone down the drain before it actually started. Sort of like the Thunderbirds movie. Dang Jonathon Frakes. I want to kill him.

Wait, I'm getting off topic – AGAIN. Diva thinks I'm good at it. Well, hey, I didn't start the thing by commenting on the amount of blank computer paper sitting above the monitor. Now that's getting off topic! She says it's not her fault because I was typing everything she said. Whoops.

So now we're down two characters. It's just Angel, Virgil, Harry and the man-eating Pearl in the middle of Calgary. Calgary is cold, man. Real cold. It's snowing right now. It's like, -20. Well, not quite. But it's snowing like nobody's business. Poor Harry. Mwhaha. Hold on a second, wasn't Pearl on my head? Nah, she's back with Harry because he's much more appetizing than me. Who would finish writing the story if she ate me? Diva. That is BAD.

Sigh. Off topic again. We're listening to happy music.

STOP GETTING OFF TOPIC ANGELINA! That was a mental scream at myself.

Angel went in search of Virgil and the evil Avid (and her sidekick Mari). She found them in only seconds because they were hiding in TB2's hangar under the cliff face. And, being as smart as she is, that was the first place she checked!

So to complete our happy Valentine's Day fic portion devoted to Angel and Virgil, they headed off into the sunset. 

Until they reached water. Then they couldn't go any farther as Tracy Island is, in fact, an island. With water surrounding it. Duh.

Back to Remus and Diva! They disappeared. But Angel hunted them down because she wanted them back. Diva is protesting this. Oh wait, how did I get off the island? Hold on a minute…oh yeah, Tin-Tin flew me in the Ladybird. Hah! Problem solved!

Pearl says: I'm hungry. I want some Harry Potter.

So to end Harry's section of the fic as neither of us want to keep him around, Pearl advanced on her prey and ate Harry in one big gulp. It was kind of weird. She had a huge Harry-shaped belly after that. It dragged on the ground as she went about her merry kitten activities. Yum, Harry Potter. Want some ketchup, Pearl?

REMUS AND DIVA, REMUS AND DIVA.

Remus and Diva sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…

Oh, she wants to know what my point is. Well, Diva, I don't have one. That is what worthless, fun, absolutely pointless fics are about. They do not have points. 

She tells me our last two did. But this one doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

Darn. She has a point.

In our story of no points.

**GO ME!!!!**

To reward you, Diva, I'll give you some Remus. She wants to know if I'll give him to her in pieces. No, actually, I was just going to let you weasel your way out of appearing in this fic. Oh, but you opened your mouth. Poor you. Now you have to suffer! 

**When did I open my mouth???**

TO TALK!

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**But when was I talking? How did I get involved? You got me involved before I started talking…That's not fair!**

It is so fair. Bug off, Diva, I am typing this. 

But…But…But… 

I'm telling you, this chair doesn't like it when we get together to write fics. It has just semi-rolled out from under Diva. She's being smart and says 'at least I didn't fall'. Well, technically, I didn't fall last time either. She says it's just her superior intelligence shining through.

Wait…WHAT superior intelligence?

She's glaring at me.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!

We really need to get back to this darn story. Diva and Remus were, as we said earlier, walking down the hall to Snape's class. Wait, we didn't say that. I said that. So that's how it's going to go, isn't that right, Diva? We all hate Snape. So you get stuck in his class. Mwhahaha!

She is making incoherent sounds to me now. 

**But! Since Diva and Remus have MUCH more sense then that, they decided to build a time machine so they could skip that class, and still not have actually missed anything… and since they are both so very brilliant, they managed this in the five minutes it took them to walk to class. Actually, they skipped all the way forward to Friday night so they wouldn't have to waste time going on about any class… just in case Angel decides it would be a good idea for Snape to sub for a class he doesn't normally teach.**

I am blinking here. What did I miss? I'm sorry, all I heard was some little bird droning on and on and on…

She's mad. Ha.

Our fic really isn't going well, is it? It's already one in the morning. We've been at this for an hour. I'm tired. But, alas, I will not sleep until I have made this story end happily, Snape or no Snape. We hate Snape. Diva wants to know who it will end happily for.

ME AND VIRGIL OF COURSE! 

Cough, cough, I mean, Angel and Virgil.

So that all went happily and it ended happily ever after and everyone was happy and Angel was happy and yeah…it was all happy. Darn I'm repetitive.

Just a little… 

Oh, can it, Diva.

**Hehehe.**

We have so much fun writing fics together. They always turn out about as twisted as a piece of jump rope. That's real twisted, by the way, if it's been sitting in my basement for ten years collecting dust. 

ANYWAY…

Angel and Virgil were happy because Angel saved him from being kidnapped by the evil Avid and her sidekick Mari. Remus and Diva were happy because they missed all their classes. Harry and Pearl were happy…well, Pearl was. Because she wouldn't have to eat for a very long time. We're afraid Harry is unavailable to comment at the moment as he happens to be in her stomach. Oh well. We didn't like him anyway.

And, just for the record, Virgil would like to say one thing:

"I AM NOT A $^&*ING PUPPET!"

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**Oooh boy, we messed up this time. **

Yes, we certainly did. That is by far our most screwed up fic that is not a fic, story that never really was a story. 

So in conclusion, happy Valentine's Day everyone! 

Yeah, what she said.

Hey, Diva, leave my chocolate alone! 

There's no more chocolate left! 

Oh, that's right. Because I ate it before you came over. So I wouldn't have to share. Mwhaha! Happy V-Day, guys, and thanks for reading! Don't forget to review for us!

[[Quick note: we know it's far past V-day, but we wrote it that night and I (Angel) just happen to be real lazy and forgot to post it! So that will explain the references to Valentine's Day!]]


End file.
